Stop and Smell the People

One Soldier’s Death…

[SPECIAL NOTE - I wrote this story in August of last year. It started a chain reaction that led all the way to the front lines of Iraq and Afghanistan. I received letters from our soldiers who read it. That interaction turned into something we dreamed up called "The Wave of Gratitude" which involved tens of thousands of people all over the country all at once changing their Facebook and Twitter status bars to say thank you to our troops. If you want to see that genesis, you can click on the Military tab in the menu and keep scrolling back to the very beginning. This article used to sit there. It seemed only right to revisit Rebecca, Carlos and the girls on Memorial Day. God bless our military families.]

How I came to be the journalist picked to write this story is an interesting side bar itself and I will write about that at a later date. I think it’s interesting to note this fact: Four soldiers from North Carolina were killed in action on June 29, 2009. One of those four is becoming the first North Carolina National Guardsmen on record to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery… and only one North Carolina TV station, cable News 14, bothered to show up… and not even one North Carolina Newspaper.

Rebecca Baldeosingh interviewed for News 14 -photo by Tech. Sgt. Brian Christiansen

Chapter 1: ONE LONG DATE

As she talked in her hotel room a few hours after the burial, Rebecca Baldeosingh was flooded with memories of the wonderful times she and Carlos had together… “Mardi Gras!” She blurted out, laughing. “That was the best one of all! If Carlos were here he would tell you!” Then she got a little quiet. Her smile fell and she stared past me and said softly, “He was supposed to come home from Iraq for a family vacation in July. I was really looking forward to that.”

Rebecca grew up in Warren, Ohio, a broken down steel mill town with very little going for it other than the good people who stay and try to make a life of it. Not long after high school, Rebecca’s sister asked her to move to Jacksonville, North Carolina, and see how she liked it.

At a steak house one night in Jacksonville, Rebecca saw Carlos from across the restaurant and asked who he was. The next night Rebecca saw him again and this time he saw her… and that was that. He asked her out. They went on a date. And they never stopped dating. Even through marriage and three kids. Rebecca said, “We just clicked. It was as if we were meant to be. I loved being with him.”

Carlos & Rebecca Baldeosingh

The fact that he was a marine didn’t faze her. Rebecca’s dad is a marine. Her sister is married to a marine. When she saw Carlos for the first time, he was a marine. It’s not by chance “military families” get that nickname. The military is a way of life.

I asked Rebecca why Carlos enlisted in the National Guard after he left the Marines and built a civilian life. “Because he wanted to serve in Iraq,” Rebecca said matter-of-factly, “He never got to go to Iraq as a marine.” It was like an itch he had to scratch. Even though he’d been out for a few years and found a great job managing the security and safety team for Carteret Hospital in Morehead City… Carlos had to go back. Every day on his way to and from work he stared at the National Guard office directly across the street from the hospital. One day after work he made the decision that would become the first link in a sequence of events that ended on June 29, 2009 in Iraq. A day in which he called his wife to talk just hours before he was sent on a fateful mission into Baghdad.

Chapter 2: THE LAST TIME THEY TALKED

Rebecca’s metallic pink cell phone went off like an alarm in the middle of the night on June 29. She sleepily grabbed at it. On the other end of the line it was Carlos. Even with the time difference, he had never called in the middle of the night before. “He sounded different this time. Like he was distracted,” Rebecca said. The two talked about all the normal things… how the girls were doing and about his R&R coming up–Carlos would be home and in Rebecca’s arms in just two weeks. And he desperately missed his little girls. Isabella and Kylie are 5-year-old twins and Emily, the baby, is two. But still he sounds odd to her. Before they hang up Carlos tells her he’s heading out for a mission in Baghdad in a few hours and then he adds that he’s “nervous.” Carlos Baldeosingh is not a man who gets “nervous.” He was a marine. Ask anyone in the

Sgt. Carlos Baldeosingh in Iraq.

military. Ask sailors, or airmen or a soldier in the Army, they’ll tell you flat out that marines are “bad-asses.” This is saying something because each branch of the armed forces makes fun of the others. But when the talk turns to combat, no one jokes about the marines. They’re the toughest of the tough. The bravest of the brave. The first ones in and the last ones out. When a marine feels hinkie about a mission, there’s a reason. And that’s why Rebecca can remember that last conversation word for word, like it happened ten minutes ago.

Not long after Rebecca and Carlos said their “I love yous” and hung up, the Humvee carrying Carlos and three other soldiers from his guard unit was hit by an IED (improvised explosive device) in Baghdad. All four were killed. It was the last day American soldiers would occupy Baghdad. It was June 29^th. The day Americans handed back the keys of Baghdad to Iraqi security forces. It was the last day of Carlos Baldeosingh’s life. He was 30 years old.

Chapter 3: REBECCA’S PREMONITION

Carlos got his premonition the day of his death. That’s why he called Rebecca in the middle of the night. Rebecca got her premonition months earlier. It was the day Carlos shipped out. “We hugged for a long time and as he walked away I had this sickening feeling,” she confided, “A voice inside me said ‘this is the last time I will ever see him.’” Naturally she never spoke those words to another soul. Who would? She did what anyone would do in that situation: she shook it off. She figured it was just the crazy thoughts that happen to every military spouse. So she pressed on with her day and her very busy life.

Because you go on. You just do. It’s part of being an Army wife. Beyond the responsibility of raising her three little girls and spending time with her mom and dad across town… Rebecca looks out for other Army families. She helps run the Family Readiness Group (FRG) for Company A, 120^th Combined Arms Battalion (that’s her husband’s unit). One of the many goals of the FRG is to help military families cope with the anxieties that inevitably come with deployments. Rebecca was there for anyone who had a need. On this deployment it as Rebecca who felt the anxiety.

The two men in military uniforms walking up her drive on June 30^th turned Rebecca’s anxiety into a numb empty feeling every Army wife dreads most.

Chapter 4: “ARE YOU THE WIFE OF SGT. JUAN CARLOS BALDEOSINGH?”

Rebecca felt “crappy” when she woke up on June 30^th. She wasn’t sick but just felt out of it. So she didn’t go ahead with plans to take the girls swimming. Rebecca told the girls she didn’t have the energy and they were going to stay home. It was unusual for this reason: Rebecca is a ball of energy. She’s outgoing and funny and the one person you can always count on to be up. But this Tuesday just wasn’t going to be a normal Rebecca type of day.

At 1:30 in the afternoon she saw a car driving very slowly around her cul de sac 30 miles east of Camp Lejeune. It appeared to Rebecca that someone was lost. She knew every car on her street and this was not a “local.” But then the driver parked directly in front of her house. Two military men got out of the car. They started walking up her driveway. Rebecca froze. She started breathing heavily… and under her breath, she cussed in anguish.

Sgt. Carlos Baldeosingh

One of the men tapped on her front door. Rebecca didn’t answer. However, the tapping was simply out of courtesy. The men were staring right at a silent Rebecca through the glass door. They asked, “Are you the wife of Sgt. Juan Carlos Baldeosingh?” Rebecca still didn’t answer. “Ma’am please let us in?” She shook her head no as tears welled up in her eyes and she started to shake. She rationalized in her mind that maybe Carlos is just injured and that’s why they’re here.

Rebecca finally opens the door. But she remembers nothing after that. It’s all a big blank. Even as she tries to recount the details of what was said she keeps correcting herself and then tells me, “I’m sorry. I can’t remember.” She’s not fibbing to get out of this conversation. She’s not that type. But when someone sits you down and tells you your best friend, your lover, your husband and the father of your children was killed yesterday your body and mind sort of go into shock.

Your thoughts race in a hundred directions at once. They must be mistaken. How will I tell the children? I just spoke with him yesterday! What do I do? Who do I call first? The girls will be crushed! How will we survive? Dear God NO!

People will be talking right to you and you might even nod and say “uh-huh” but you can’t hear them. And so it was for Rebecca. She remembers nothing from a conversation she’ll never be able to forget.

Chapter 5: WHISPERING GOODBYE TO DADDY

From June 29 to August 2, Rebecca and her girls Isabella, Kylie and Emily have had no one to say goodbye to… 34 days with no casket to look at… no place to focus their grief.

Getting a soldiers body from Baghdad to the United States is no simple task it seems. But on August 3, the casket carrying Carlos Baldeosingh was finally waiting in Arlington, Virginia. Rebecca was warned: it is a bad idea to have the casket opened for her. She didn’t care. She wants to see her husband regardless of his condition. The casket is opened and she is left alone with her husband.

For two solid hours she talked and laughed and cried. Told him everything she felt. Told him stories about the girls and how proud he would be of them. She yelled at him and cried to him and repeated over and over how he was the love of her life and how she misses him every second of every day.

(Left to right) Kylie, Isabella and Emily meet Mr. Mike –Photo by Tech. Sgt. Brian Christiansen

Then she reached into a bag and pulled out some photos of the girls and placed them on Carlos’ heart. On top of the pictures she placed three letters she wrote for him to take to heaven. And on top of the letters, pictures the girls colored with crayons. Kylie and Isabel, the twins, insisted on it. They wanted their daddy to be proud because they had finally learned to stay in the lines.

Later that night before the wake at Murphy Funeral Home in Arlington, VA, Rebecca brought the girls to see their father’s casket for the first time. She told them that this is where daddy’s body will sleep forever now. The girls leaned in close and lifted the American flag draped over the coffin and softly talked to their daddy. Three little girls whispering, “I love you” one last time.

The girls whisper goodbyes to daddy –Photo by Tech. Sgt. Brian Christiansen

Chapter 6: ON SACRED GROUND

Arlington National Cemetery can be overwhelming on a day when you’re here as a tourist. On August 4^th it put chills down the spine of a General in 90-degree heat.

Horse drawn caisson carrying Sgt. Carlos Baldeosingh's remains –Photo by Tech. Sgt. Brian Christiansen

When Major General William Ingram Jr. knelt down if front of a sobbing Rebecca Baldeosingh, It appeared he might not get through this. He was visibly shaken by the sadness of this day.

Arlington is a sacred place to most Americans. 300-thousand white marble tombstones sweeping over the gentle slopes of this one-time farm that overlooks the Potomac River and the mighty National Mall.

When the military bury their dead, it’s done with great dignity and meaning. The riderless horses, the 21-gun-salute, the bugler off in the distance playing the haunting and familiar refrain of Taps. Every detail is powerful, moving and precise.

By 9:15 AM the horse drawn caisson carrying Sgt. Carlos Baldeosingh’s remains made it’s way down York Drive under a canopy of giant oaks and stopped in front of an empty grave. As you look off to the left and right of the flag draped casket you see standing at attention, all around you, thousands of white marble tombstones.

General Ingram places the flag in Rebecca's hands –Photo by Tech. Sgt. Brian Christiansen

It was a dramatic and emotional ceremony. But what happened near the end caught everyone off guard. The General had to give the flag from the casket to Rebecca. As he knelt down in front of her and presented the flag she burst into tears. It became clear to everyone that the general was also struggling with his emotions.

This is where it hit everyone. The General wasn’t going through the motions. This wasn’t just another military function for him to attend. This was a very powerful moment and he knew it. Carlos Baldeosingh died for each of us. He enlisted, he served, he followed orders because he wanted to protect his country. The gift of this flag is the symbol of a grateful nation. So as he handed one to Rebecca and thanked her… and then he handed a second one to 2-year-old Emily Baldeosingh and thanked her for giving up her father… and another to Kylie and another to

General Ingram places the flag in Rebecca

Isabella, even the Marines in the crowd of about 150 family and friends were wiping tears from their eyes.

That evening, many hours after the burial, family and friends were all headed back to their homes around the country. Rebecca and her girls didn’t go home. They went back to Arlington National Cemetery and sat at the foot of daddy’s grave and talked. See, going home won’t feel like it used to for a long time to come. For now, this is home. This sacred ground where daddy will sleep forever.

[SPECIAL NOTE - 11/11/2009 - Want to show your appreciation for our troops, catch the Gratitude Wave. Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at noon EST, change your Facebook status or Tweet words of gratitude for our military men and women and veterans. Read more about our efforts by clicking here!]

Rebecca and her girls... one last goodbye –Photo by Tech. Sgt. Brian Christiansen

Rebecca gave her word…

Many of them gave her hugs and thanked her for being there. Some soldiers got off the bus and avoided her. They had been in Iraq for many months but when they stepped off the bus in North Carolina they didn’t say a word to Rebecca.

Later a few sent her e-mails or left voice mails explaining. It was guilt. They felt they had failed her. One said, “I promised you I’d bring Carlos back and I didn’t. I couldn’t face you.” Of course Rebecca feels none of that. She is only grateful to these men and women who stood next to Carlos on the wall. The wall between us and chaos.

When Rebecca arrived earlier in the day it wasn’t until she parked the car at the armory when her heart started pounding. That’s when it became real. She said a silent prayer to Carlos and asked for strength. She talks to him frequently.

It was Wednesday evening and Rebecca Baldeosingh was standing behind a group of military families waving banners and signs welcoming home their husbands and wives from Iraq. The NC National Guard 1/120^th Infantry left for Iraq nearly a year ago. In the middle of their deployment four of them were blown up by and IED (Improvised Explosive Device) in Baghdad. Carlos Baldeosingh was one of those four.

I’ve written at length about Carlos’ tragic death (just hours after he told Rebecca by phone from Iraq that he felt nervous about his mission that day)… and how Rebecca found out what happened to him and what would come of her three young girls in the aftermath.

But Wednesday was six months after Carlos was killed on the streets of Baghdad. Rebecca was supposed to be standing here in a cold February rain with butterflies in her stomach waiting to catch the first glimpse of her soul mate and husband stepping off that bus. On a dark chilly evening all these families will go home happier than they have been for a long, long time. But one wife will go home alone tonight.

She put on a brave face through it all. She was there because she had given her word. Come hell or high water Rebecca would go and welcome home Carlos’ brothers and sisters. She hugged and talked to whomever greeted her. Patiently waiting for each soldier to grab his family and head home.

Then after it quieted down, she found an empty room, sat down alone… and cried.

This is war… MR

Prepare to cry: First glimpse of troops returning to Lincolnton

First hug just hours ago in Lincolnton, NC

NC National Guard soldier embraces his child Tuesday morning

The little things so easily taken for granted like taking a family picture

Operation Enduring Cupcake…

I know we’ve been promising to launch our second sponsor early this week. I think all our ducks will be in a row for a Wednesday launch. Cool beans? Cool beans.

Now, I have to tell you the brief and funny story of the cupcakes.

I got word about the NC National Guard coming back from Iraq through several sources. They don’t publish this stuff. In fact they don’t send out the press releases until a few days before they are bussed to their home cities… long after they have landed on American soil.

I had a pretty good idea on when they would get in country and then when our local soldiers would get to Charlotte. They don’t talk in exact dates until they are very close to U.S. soil. That’s partly because if they put a date out there and everyone back home gets jacked up and then the Army changes things the delays can feel like a kick in the gut. It’s also partly die to the fact they don’t like to give out too much information because, well, it’s just safer that way. And it’s partly because they don’t want to jinx it.

One of my sources (who is rapidly working her way onto the SASTP imaginary payroll) made mention that it would be nice to have some food or snacks on hand when the buses arrive in Charlotte. I don’t have the free time I used to have. I go non-stop from about 7 Am to 7 PM each work day. I love my work and the time zips by but it’s still time I don’t have to work my peeps in Charlotte trying to get some food lined up for this amazing homecoming.

2973 cupcakes not pictured.

But I do happen to have a great relationship with the people at Harris-Teeter Inc. I shot an e-mail to Harris-Teeter CFO Jeff Sherman. Jeff and I have become friends through a fundraiser we team up for every year… eight or nine years running now. He got Jennifer Thompson, Harris-Teeter Communications Director, involved. Jennifer and I go back even further. We worked together at WCNC-TV back in 1998. The two of them snap their fingers and voila! 3000 cupcakes are on their way to Charlotte! Let me spell the out: t-h-r-e-e   t-h-o-u-s-a-n-d. WOW!

When Jennifer told me that on the phone two nights before the buses would arrive i said,

1500 cupcake air-fresheners...

“What? I’m sorry I thought I heard you say 3000 cupcakes. Did you mean 300?” Nope. 3000! I belly laughed out loud. That is a lot of cupcakes!

Ironically our future unpaid employee, April Blasky, called SASTPUE#5, Brian Christiansen, to help pick up the 3000 cupcakes. Brian could only get half of them in his SUV. But even 1500 cupcakes was enough for every soldier to have plenty to take home and enjoy with the family.

So hooray for Harris-Teeter stepping it up for our soldiers!

And a special thank you to my old friends, Jeff Sherman and Jennifer Thompson.

Peace… MR

More Pics of Charlotte Homecoming!

Check out this story by FoxCharlotte, and this one by WSOC capturing the homecoming! Not to spoil the joy here but I searched the Charlotte Observer and WCNC and WBTV websites and couldn’t find stories about this homecoming.

I know WBTV was there. WSOC went live at noon Saturday. WCNC was close enough to walk there and chose not to. Can’t tell you how disappointed I am in my alma mater.

Okay, enough rant. Let’s jump out of the gutter and onto the joy train with some more photos of the homecoming here in Charlotte. Oh! A reminder to SASTP Nation: If you’re having a soldier homecoming in your town, send us some pictures with names, we’ll post them here! Also, if you missed yesterday’s post “When Johnny comes marching home,” check it out! Once again, to #5 (you know who I’m talking about) for the incredible photographs.

Children who haven't hugged daddy in along, long time!

The waiting is the hardest part...

April Blasky starts to mildly freak out as busses pull into view!

Let the hugathon begin!

Cody and Leah Fowler reunited!

When Harris Teeter found out the troops were coming home, they sent cupcakes for the party! 3000 cupcakes!

Enjoy these images today and we’ll make our big SASTP announcement tomorrow! We are bringing a new sponsor on board. You’re gonna like him!

Peace,

MR

When Johnny Comes Marching Home…

Yesterday, today and tomorrow… for days now this scene is playing out all over North Carolina. The end of the constant ache. The feeling of being whole again. Our soldiers have come home.

I sat down to write something that would capture what it feels like for these families. But after looking at the photos, I’m going to put my laptop down. Brian Christiansen (SASTP Unpaid Employee #5) is a brilliant photographer. Take a few minutes and soak these images in. The story is right there… in their faces. Want to learn more about the folks in some of these pictures? Click here to read Cody’s story. Click here to read about Silent Rank champion April Blasky. And click here to read about Chaplain Tommy Watson in his own words.

ALSO if you want to share your hometown homecoming pictures, please e-mail them to me and we’ll post them right here on SASTP. One more thing… WELCOME HOME!!!

Contentment.

Don't let go. Cody and Leah Fowler together again!

Where Chaplain Tommy Watson belongs... back in Jackie's arms.

My God, you're really home! April Blasky welcomes home husband, Danny.

Where she belongs.

The Blasky Family

An American Family...

Some days you just can't hug daddy tight enough.

God bless our soldiers… and their families… MR

Joy… UPDATED!

This is just one picture SASTP has received from SASTP UE#5, Brian Christiansen. This is joy. More to come later…

Chaplain Tommy Watson back where he belongs: in the arms of his loving wife Jackie.

Today is the day.

They landed on the coast earlier this month. Today they arrive in Charlotte. Of the 4000 North Carolina National Guard soldiers who have been away from their families for more than a year and in Iraq for almost a year of that, the ones returning to Charlotte are the ones I know by name.

Anna and I have had the great pleasure of becoming friends with some of these men and women and their families.

I’m a pacifist by nature. But I’m a realist also. I know war is inevitable. I know someone has to sign up to go. Someone has to stand on the wall and protect people like me. I couldn’t do that job but my respect for those who do is greater than it is for just about any other group of people on earth.

Today the ones I know best come home. Their wives and husbands have lived the lonely torment for a year or more. Today the tears will be the happy ones.

SASTP Unpaid Employed #5 is there. He has his camera and 3000 cupcakes. I’ll explain the cupcakes later… along with posted photos of this emotional reunion.

Today… joy… MR

Welcome Home, Soldiers!

Welcome Home!

After many months in Iraq, more than a year away from their families, thousands of our NC National Guard soldiers are home. It will take a few weeks to get them all back here but the planes have started arriving. Sunday chartered planes full of our soldiers landed in Savannah, Georgia. Some of the first pictures are coming in… and special thanks to SASTP unpaid employee #5, photographer extraordinaire, Brian Christiansen.

Touchdown!

A Chartered plane carrying NC National Guard soldiers arrives in Savannah, Georgia

The first stop: Soldiers will spend several days in Savannah, Georgia’s Ft. Stewart until they are reunited with their families.

Hard to hide this smile!

Welcome Home Chaplain Tommy Watson!

Chaplain Tommy Watson (left) and Specialist Timothy Gilbert return home.

A sight that will bring tears to our eyes every time: a stream of courageous men and women returning home after sacrificing so much for our country.

Chaplain Tommy Watson

NC National Guard Soldiers on U.S. soil again...

USO Volunteer Angela Hines, arms outstretched, hugs our soldiers home!

USO Volunteer Angela Hines welcomes home a hero

And they just keep coming! What an incredible sight. Soldiers home from war.

This is the line between terror and security

Finally!

The first planes were supposed to arrive last week and they kept getting bumped a day at a time. But UE#5 has just texted to let me know our North Carolina National Guard troops who have been in Iraq for what seems like 10 years are walking off planes this morning and kissing American soil!

We will have pictures soon. Chaplain Tommy Watson is back for sure. We’re awaiting word on the others.

I gotta tell you, it puts tears in my eyes to think about these men and women and all they have sacrificed. I pray every night for these wars to end and for the world to find peace. Children shouldn’t have to wonder if daddy or mommy will be blown up and never come home. Husbands and wives have enough on their plates without dealing with a war some power hungry jackass started after killing thousands of innocents, only to then run off and hide in caves.

I’m fairly certain that peace will never happen. But I pray anyway.

I’ll update you soon on the reunions happening right now and over the next few days.

In the meantime… we may not have peace, but we can still live peace… I’m trying, MR

Pictures of Troops on U.S. soil coming soon…

The larger groups of our North Carolina soldiers headed home should start hitting the tarmac today! As soon as we have pictures, we will post them. Please keep these men and women and their families in your thoughts and prayers. Some of the very people you’ve come to know right here on Stopandsmellthepeople.com will soon be reunited with their families. People like Cody and Leah Fowler, Chaplain Tommy Watson and his family, April Blasky and her husband Danny will soon be back together in the Tarheel State! Many of the troops’ first stop is Savannah, GA. As you know, honorary unpaid employee #5 is on the ground and snapping shots for us. He’s Brian Christiansen, the talented man who brought us so many memorable shots from Arlington National Cemetery this summer.

Of course, it bears remembering that we’ve also come to know some who will not be coming home, soldiers like Sgt. Carlos Baldeosingh. Our thoughts are with his wife Rebecca and their three daughters. I know many of you would like an update on how she and the girls are doing. We hope to have that for you soon. Check the site for updates throughout the weekend.

Also, on Monday, I have a salacious and tawdry announcement for you! So get excited…. it’s part of  a promise, a proclamation, a..uh..can’t think of another word to put here. But, bottom line, you don’t want to miss it.

Also, very much on mind is the plight of the children in Haiti. I am searching for the right way to help. I’ll let you know what I come up with. In the meantime, I feel like I can’t pray enough.

Okay, Crowley is calling! He’s busy trying to walk! Which mean I am busy chasing him down : )

One last thing. Just want to give a shout to our sponsor, Andy Bovender of The Bovender Team. He and his team are a part of the solution and are helping us bring you relief from a cynical world. If you haven’t had the chance to tell Andy what you think of his support of StopandSmellthePeople.com. Just click on his ad on the right site of the page.

Peace from Smellville,

Anna