Stop and Smell the People

The Baby Diaries… Pt 1

WARNING: I asked my wife if she would like to help me write an entry for “StopAndSmellThePeople.com” and she said no.  And then she grabbed the laptop and asked me to get her a piece of cake and some soy milk.  What follows is the blog she wrote. I added my thoughts in [brackets and bold] afterward.

[Anna, take it away…]

So, what was it like going through nine months of pregnancy with Mike Redding? We are debating who should write this… He always says he’s the funny one.  [No. I say I’m the fun one. Very different.] So I suggest that he writes it…. “No,” he says sweetly, “you are very funny.” A girl knows when a man who would rather sleep than write is playing her. Mike was up with the baby three times last night. My reply? “You are just saying that so I’ll write a blog for your site.” [Can’t a guy say something nice to his woman without her thinking he’s after something?  Sheesh! By the way, Sugar, you’re looking fine tonight… bow-chicka-bow-bow…]

This debate goes back to our days of dating. Former WCNC reporter Tiffani Helberg and I were discussing relationships, when I announced that I was the fun one of this duo. That night Mike and I headed to a U2 concert. The next day he supplied Tiffani with a photo of me snapped during the encore.  Was I screaming, dancing, clapping or yelling for one more song? No, I was doing what any hard working woman would… sleeping right through it with my mouth hanging open!  [I offer States evidence #1 below...]

Anna (and Andy Benton's wife Kristie) enjoying a rousing encore by the mega-rock band U2!

Enough digressing. If you have been watching my husband over the years and reading his journals, you know he is the most well-intentioned man on the planet… but has a funny habit of saying whatever is on his mind. And frankly, not all thoughts are meant to be shared.

It was last summer… we had just started to NOT prevent pregnancy when, sadly, we had a death in the family. Baby making was put on the shelf as we went about the business of saying good-bye. After the funeral, much of my family decided to head to the beach to regroup and just be together. What better way to start laughing again than body surfing? So just as I head out the door, I ask, “Hon, do I look okay in this swimsuit?”

Mike – “You look really bloated. You should wear a different one.”  [Wow. Someone shut me up already.]

And had that come out of anyone else’s mouth, I would have been furious. But how can you be mad at him? He’s an adorable bull in a china shop and it’s usually very funny… but less so, when just a half hour later you are standing in the surf and he says, “I think you are pregnant. I am looking at your body and I think you are pregnant.”  [Seriously.  Can I get a sock in it please?]

Turns out he was right and his hopes of spending the next six months trying… were dashed!  [I cried.]

So two weeks later, there we were: looking at our son’s heart beat on a dim screen. It was amazing. We had so many questions for the doctor (the best OBGYN in Charlotte and Mike’s long lost brother – not really, but they do share the same sense of humor). [Warped.] I was worried about folic acid and asked, “We had a death in the family. I may have missed a couple of days of pre-natal vitamins. Have I hurt my baby?” Just as the doctor opens his mouth to reassure me that everything will be okay, Mike interrupts him and blurts out, “Folic acid?!? Prenatal vitamins!?!?! Why don’t you tell him about the wine you drank?” [I’ve never been to a funeral where people did so much drinking!]

And there it is. It’s a strange combination of feelings he produces in me in an instant. It’s like being amused, embarrassed and stripped naked on stage all at once. His favorite trick is to say something just wrong enough to make me laugh uncontrollably while he stares blankly at me asking, “Was it something I said? Can someone please help me with my wife the lunatic?”

“Well, Doctor,”  I explain, without acknowledging my husband’s presence in the room, “My people are Irish. That’s how we mourn. Mike’s family is Italian. They eat. At least I didn’t gain any weight,” I offered, terrified the doctor was going to think I had a drinking problem.

“Sure,” the doctor says, “cirrhosis of the liver is much better.” And that’s when I knew I was in trouble. I was seeing double. Not one, but two of them… for nine whole months! Double the sarcasm, double the slightly “off” comments. (Disclaimer – do not get me wrong. My OBGYN is the best of the best of the best. He brought my baby boy into this world and I never doubted his judgment or standard of care. He is awesome. I don’t even care if this grows his ego. [How could it?  So Massive already. We have more in common than humor.] He deserves it. Did I mention he delivered my son? And all moms love the docs who bring their babies safely into this world.) (Disclaimer 2 – we do not condone consumption of alcohol while pregnant.)

Mike was very involved in the pregnancy. [Well I did kind of start the whole thing.] He only missed one doctor’s appointment. We were known in the doctor’s office as Team Redding. Mike and I went to the birthing classes together and he would always say just a little something under his breath that only I could hear and it would set me off into a fit of laughter to the point of disrupting the class.

When the instructor taught us breathing exercises to manage labor pain, she asked us to sit down on the floor with our partners. “Close your eyes,” she said, “and Moms, take a deep breath.” Just as I started to inhale… it was like the sound of a 60mph wind gust suddenly blew through the room. It was Mike taking a dramatic and loud deep breath. That was it. He triggered a pregnant Anna laughing fit and I had to leave the room. [Sometimes pregnant women can’t control their pee.  Making them laugh uncontrollably is part of the fun.] We didn’t return. Someday our son will know that while everyone else has birth class certificates in their baby book, we dropped out. [Good times.]

[Okay, she just dumped the laptop back in my hands and said, “Read this out loud to me!”  What, you don’t want me to fetch you some more cake?  Wait.  That was definitely one of those thoughts I shouldn’t share.]

[We’ll do this again soon.  Maybe.  Anna is a great writer… and lookin’ mighty fine tonight.]

[Don't forget to stop and smell the people… MR]